Disciple leadership

 This week we focused on Disciple leadership. This week really touched my soul. Social Innovation is fascinating. It takes thinking outside the box for sure but it also takes Charity. The pure love of Christ. Having that love for someone or something like the Earth, motivates us to care for the person behind the issue we are concerned with. It really takes focus, drive and passion. You have to have grit keep at it. There will be many challenges in whatever our endeavors are. However when we lean on the Lord we can, along with his help see miracles happen. 

I love this quote I read this week: President Ezra Taft Benson said: “The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.” This is so true. I have seen this in my own life and in many other people's lives. Christ literally takes us from nothing and molds us into something! So grateful that he does if we allow him.

I personally hope to make a difference in the foster care system. I have two foster daughters. The system is really broken and I see a need to fix it. This class has helped me to begin to understand how change comes about. 

Self Reliance

 This week we learned about self reliance and microfinance. I loved this weeks material. I love the doctrine of self-reliance. This doctrine that helps us care for ourselves is one that helps everyone. Being able to care for ourselves makes us feel valued and a contributor to society. I know this to be true. 

I love the video we watched by Dr. Muhammad Yunus, the Nobel peace prize winner in 2006. He talked about a bonsai tree and if we took a seed from the tallest tree in the forest and planted it in a small flower pot, it would not grow tall like the tree it came from. it would stay small. Even thought the small tree looks just like the small one, it would never grow like it because it was contained in a small pot like a bonsai tree. He compared this to poor people. He said they were not lazy or dumb, or anything else other people think of them, they just needed the room, the space, to grow.

I have learned how to be self reliant over time. I was raised poor and for much of my married life I lived poor. After my divorce I decided I would not live like that ever again. I lived within my budget and started back to school. I started my own business and provided for myself. I am not rich, but I have no debt besides my home. No credit card debt, no car loan debt. None. I want to keep it that way. I am grateful to learn these lessons and apply them in my life. 

Hybrids

 This week the study was Hybrid organizations. Basically a hybrid company is one that takes parts of the nonprofit a for-profit business and combines aspects from both. This idea is really taking off. They are not without their trials however as a business who is trying to be socially innovative. 

One of the things that stood out to me this week was the chapter we read in the book “How to change the world”. The author talks about six qualities of a successful social entrepreneur. They are 1. Willingness to self correct 2. Willingness to share the credit 3. Willingness to break free of established structure 4. Willingness to cross disciplinary boundaries 5. Willingness to work quietly 6. Strong ethical impetus. I believe all of these to be great characteristics of a successful social entrepreneur. 

The question was posed as to why Hybrid’s are so successful. The first thing that came to me was they are the best of both worlds. They have a business model and background that helps them be the money behind the idea. As much as we want to believe things are different, they aren’t. It takes money to make real change. Having a hybrid allows money to be made to put back into the business to continue to bless others lives. 

Non Profit or NGO

 I think non profit organizations are amazing. They make things happen in this world in a time when many people thought it would be a good idea but they didn't put the rubber to the road. In todays world many business' are trying to do good in this world, hopefully with people in mind as well as the world we live in. Society at large is requiring business to do something to protect the environment and to help people who need it. 

We read an article called "Building Movements, not organizations" by Hildy Gottlieb She talked about how the world is experiencing individual organizations all over the world trying to become socially minded but they are all individual organizations or business'. She presents the idea that we need a movements! Doing so would help us define success, define leadership, and define means. 

This weeks assignments could help as a non profit volunteer, donor, board member, or employee in several ways. First off they address the issues and problems with current trends. This lesson can help to understand why we need sturdy infrastructure and we need to spend money on overheard. We need to be honest about our overhead. It takes money to be able to make a difference in the world and that includes paying the electric bills and rent on the organizations offices. We need to have honest conversations and portray things how they truly are if we are going to succeed. 

CSR

     CSR is a acronym for Corporate Social Responsibility. That means that Corporations feel and practice social responsibility hopefully in three different ways. These are called the triple bottom line. Basically it explains that profit is not the only thing companies need to focus on. It includes people, people and profits. I love the idea of a Venn diagram that overlaps all three parts. We need all three of these points to have success. Customers are interested in social issues. They want to take care of the environment, they want to support business that cares for the environment and try and leave the smallest carbon footprint as possible. The video from our studies this week did a good job of explaining the triple bottom line. 

    They also want to help people. If a business uses their business to help a population with a social need. Some help people have clean drinking water, sustainable farming, or literacy. There are tons of different issues that social innovation are addressing. They are using some of their profits to help people!

    CSR has become more popular in recent years because with the World Wide Web we are shrinking the world. We can see into many countries around the world. The social issues are more real for us when we can access it anytime on the internet. Also, I think we live in a time of plenty. Many have the things they need and they then look to help others. If there is a business that is helping others they want to spend their money there. In fact, it is demanded. If a business wants to succeed society is demanding a CSR.

 The Ted talk “5 keys to Success for Social Entrepreneurs”  really helped me understand what a good one liked. He spoke of five  points. Each one made so much sense. Number 5 was actually realizing  that your idea is worth nothing unless you have action. Talk is cheap but tam to implement what you have  is value. Number four was hating whatever they were fighting for. They are fired up about the social issue. Number 3. They are not quiet about their project. They want everyone to know about it. Number 2, They are paranoid! They are so focused they can’t sleep. They are keeping themselves up at night worrying about their venture. The number one tip for success is to look at social impact and at money

This week was not the easiest for me. We talked about lean start-up and business model canvas. The business side of things is not my expertise however I know how important it is in all aspects of life. Having a social business or non profit will need business skills to make this work!

Sharpening my business skills is imperative to being successful We are learning that all sectors of social entrepenurship needs money. Even if you are not for profit, everyone needs money to function. There can and are people with excellent skills but if they can’t run a business they will be ruined. 

Financial Impact

 NGO’s have a big job to raise money to solve the ills of our society today. Social Entrepreneurship  has become a great way to solve issues. Start up expenses are high for such adventures. This week we talked about options to fund the amazing ideas and business’ that can literally solve some of the the ills of this world. 

One such option is crowd funding. It is a great way to start up a business venture. Many people are invested in social issues and they want to make a difference in the world. One holdback is many people don’t have large capital to invest. Crowd funding allows many people to put in a small amount of money. Many people contributing a small amount ends up being a large amount. The article “Social Entrepreneurs don’t have it easy raising capital” does a good job of sharing these principles. It seems like people are wiling to donate money and invest in  a good cause. 

Can money change the world? I think it can. Money along with people with good hearts and  desire to do the right thing. Those desires to change the world and do good by the people of the world but it also takes money to solve many of the problems we face. So Yes, money can change the world along with good deeds of others. However, money doesn’t buy happiness. Life is happier when you have money. It is hard to be happy if you are hungry or don’t have a warm house to live in but I have learned from people who have very little, you can be happy. The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our life. No matter what, we can have happiness depending on where our life is focused!

Impact Change

 This week learning about impact evaluation and change reminded me that knowing the full impact of the things you do is not as easy as it would seem. Data is important in identifying the impact. Evaluating the data on a daily weekly, monthly and yearly can help you understand the impact you are having. Figuring out how you will measure success is and important step. Also identifying the steps you must take to measure that success. Figuring out your impact and the steps to get to that data will help you understand the impact of your data. 

The eight word mission statement was very interesting. I won't lie, reading long drawn out ,mission statements often never get to the point. Having 8 words really gets to the point. These mission statements include concrete results and they talk about the what, not the how. These are made by using a verb, a target population and an outcome in eight words or less. 

The article Starfish Hurling and Community Service gave a new perspective I had never though of. The author suggests five problems with the story. First, the story is simplistic. Most of the time the problem is much more complex.  Second,  the story is apolitical. The starfish have no voice. Third the complexity is not addressed as we don't know why the starfish are washing ashore. Fourth, the story demonstrates and emotional response rather than a rational one. Lastly, the story is about random acts of kindness. It is an interesting take on a well known story,. I think some things can be simple and often emotional responses are what get things moving. Random acts of kindness may not be the most efficient way to get things done but they are important for the population you can affect with your act. 

Design thinking

I thought this week was going to be difficult for me because I think I am not a very creative person. I really enjoyed the ted talk by David Kelley "How to build your creative confidence". I realized that I do have more creativity then I think and I need to use that creativity. I think I just need to revisit it and get comfortable with it. I also realized that I don't want to be a person who squashes other peoples creativity. Creative design is a process of finding solutions to problems in our world. There are a few process' to design thinking but the basic overview is understanding a need by observing and engaging. Nest step is define the issue and a solution. Then brainstorm different solutions and come up with a plan. The last step is to test out the solutions. Human centered design is imperative as we need a deep understanding of the needs of the people we want to serve. 

I am so glad I took the time to watch the optional video for this week's study called "Design for the Developing World" by Christopher Mattson. When he spoke about putting our capacity to design to work on difficult problems, I realized I need to stop holding myself back. My strong suits are with people and if I am able to be people centered and understand what people need and be creative with my solutions I can solve problems.

This is such a needed skill to have in social innovation. We must have creative design. Understanding a need and them creating ideas around that need are how we will solve problems. It takes critiquing and evaluating and doing the process over and over again. It is hard work but the benefits of solving social issues are exciting!

Be the Change

 I love this week's lesson! The phrase "Be the change" reminds me that everyone has a place and something they can contribute. When it comes to Social Innovation, the Ballard Center uses a pyramid with social entrepreneurs on top. They are fewer in number. The next level is Implementers. This is the level I see myself at more than a social entrepreneur. I would implement the ideas of a social entrepreneur within the framework of the job or organization I work or volunteer at. An implementer encourages those around her to move towards a more social innovation task, trying to get her organization to move towards a goal of making a difference in a social issue. The third level is a volunteer or a donor. Spending time helping in a social issue that you feel passionate about is a great way tp help a movement, cause and issue move forward. Without volunteer and donors it would be nearly impossible to get the work done. 

This weeks reading included and article titled "What is your Calling in Life" By Jeffrey Thompson. This was exactly what I needed to push me toward figuring out what my life calling is. In fact last weekend I spent some time contemplating and praying for that exact question. I loved how he offered things you could ask and "Heresies" that sometimes we fall into. It reminded me that I need to put the work into figuring out what my calling is. I loved a quote by John Calvin that said God gives us talents and gifts and it is our job to figure out what those gifts are and how to use them to bless other people. 

We may have a jumpstart on others as our patriarchal blessing usually lists some of our gifts. Mine gives me several and then tells me to work on them and enhance them. I want to be able to use these to bless other people and myself. The scriptures tell us that we have access to all the spiritual gifts. We need to ask for them. We can use the gifts God has given us to bless others. He gives them to us so we can help His children. It is our responsibility to move towards making a change in this world. God has given us everything we need on this earth to solve the problems we face. We need creative people who are willing to use what God has given them to make the change in this world. It starts with each one of us as we pray to know where we are needed and what the Lord would want us to do. |It seems to me that we have been given so much that we need to give back and fight for a cause that can and will make a difference. We can be the change we want to see in the world. 

Social Innovation

 Social Innovation was a term unfamiliar to me until I began this class. Social innovation is coming up with a new more effective and more long term solution to a problem that affects society as a whole rather than just individuals.  I love this concept. It is a way to contribute to society and make lasting change in a neighborhood, community, city, state, country or globally. The idea is brilliant. Innovation is using creativity to problem solve to create social value. It comes in the form of a product and a process.

Social Entrepreneurs are the people who are the game changers. They are the ones who make the changes happen. They are continuously innovating and creating  and learning. They are courageously moving forward without being constrained by the funds they have. According to Say-Schumpter Social Entrepreneurs the catalyst behind economic progress.

The video about the Ballard Center was very moving. It is impressive that BYU is working so hard to find solutions to issues in our world. Some of the solution's the students have invented have made a dent in the issues affecting our community and even globally. It is amazing that there is a way to use your creativity and problem solving skills to change the world, even making it possible to make a living doing so.

One possibility as to why Social innovation is more prevalent today could be the idea that we like in a culture of abundance. We have everything we could ever imagine and often times when people live in abundance they want more. That means we are looking past the things we could own and looking to make a difference in the world. Many no longer struggle for the day to day survival and want to change the world. 

Weight on your back

I joined a cross fit gym a few months ago.  It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. It pushes me both physically, and mentally.  Everyday I wonder if I will make it through the workout and fight a battle inside myself. The one thing that I have been thinking alot about is lifting weights.  We lift often.  We do a heavy lift day every four days, however we usually incorporate some lighter lifting into our WOD's (workout of the day) several times a week.  Last week we did front squats.  I saw this meme.

I have been thinking about this for days.  I totally agree. Usually when I get ready to lift I start with a lighter weight and slowly build up.  When I get to a working weight I start my workout for the day.  Usually it is something like 6 sets of 5 reps.  The thing I have realized is usually the weight is so heavy that I am afraid every rep.  When I take that bar off the rig I am afraid that I will not be able to stand up after I have squatted. I am afraid of failure.  However, one thing I am realizing is that when you keep putting yourself out there, always chasing a heavier weight, always trying for a PR, you will fail. You will get to the point that you have maxed out and are not able to stand back up with that heavy weight on your back.  Failure is ok.  If you are working hard and chasing your dreams, you will fail.  The thing about a back squat is that if you fail you just let the bar roll off your back as you step forward and the weigh falls off.

I loved this idea when I was thinking about failure.  As we work towards our goals and are chasing our dreams, there will be failures. As we are trying to survive this journey we call life, we will fall.  It is what you do with your failure!  Do you let that heavy weight hold us down or do we let it roll of our back and stand up.  Do we turn around and try to make the lift again or do we walk out of the gym?  Do we cuss and swear and throw a tantrum? It is what we do with our failure that makes us who we are.

We have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and pick that bar back up. You have to have the tenacity to keep trying.  You eventually will be able to stand up under the immense weight on your back. Failure will happen but if you keep at it, you will eventually make the lift. We can't be so afraid of the failure.  It is what makes us the people we are.  This so much more than the successful lifts.

  There are days when life is just too heavy and my muscles are just too fatigued to stand back up. I can't do it! No matter what I do I just can't stand back up.  In my life, I know that my Savior and Heavenly Father are on both ends of my barbell. On those days where I HAVE to stand back up and I just can't do it, I know they are on each end and lifting where I can't!  I am so grateful for that knowledge and the spiritual and physical strength I have received from squatting!

Wholesome Recreation

Hiking, trips to the coast, backpacking, road trips, scuba diving,  camping, drive-in movies, Portland Saturday market, and game nights is just a short list of the things that my family has done together this summer.

D. Todd Christofferson says, "Just as honest toil gives rest its sweetness, wholesome recreation is the friend and steadying companion of work."

It seem sometimes that all this life revolves around is finishing the work week only to begin again the next Monday. The truth is, we need a break from that work. We need a time move away from the grind and to spend time with our families.

Elder Oaks states, "Remember that our Savior Jesus Christ always builds us up and never tears us down. We should apply the power of that example in the ways we use our time including our recreation and our diversions."

What better way to apply the example of Jesus Christ than to spend time with our family? The more time we spend with our family in a wholesome environment, the stronger those relationships will become.

M. Russel Ballard states, "Seeking out the best recreation can actually provide families with spiritual nourishment to overcome trials and resist temptations."

What better blessing could we ask for by simply giving up our time to have a good time with our families?

I am blessed with the time I have been able to spend with my family this summer because I know that it has given renewed strength to my children and myself as we have become closer. We have climbed mountains and descended beneath the ocean together. From sleeping on the cold ground to laughing through a movie, this summer of wholesome recreation has brought my family closer together.

For that small moment

Sometimes I get down on myself because I am not able to give my children everything I think they deserve.  Do they have the necessities of life? Absolutely...they have never once went hungry, been without clothing, or not had a home to call their own.  However, they haven't always had the vacations I would like to take them on or they opportunities to go to EFY or other activities they wanted to try like horses.  Since becoming a single mother, it has been even harder to provide all the things I want for my kids.  Now, if I read another mom's blog post saying those things I would instantly want to tell her that those things are not important.  I know it, but this is the truth of this mama's heart.  I want to take my kids to Disneyland. I want to go on a church history trip.  I want to have a nice car for them to drive. Those are the desires of my heart.  I know these things are not important. In fact, my kids have had to work for everything they have. This is a good thing. They are so strong and appreciate the things they have learned. They also are really proud of the things they have accomplished. However...in my heart of hearts I wish for something different.

The other day I was having a pity party.  One of those days when you feel like you are failing and wishing you could give more than you have. I went to my room early and pulled out a book and started reading.  I was trying to give myself an attitude adjustment.  I wasn't in their more than 10 minutes when my 19 year old daughter came b-bopping in and jumped on my bed with her book.  We started talking and laughing.  Pretty soon my 16 year old son and 14 year old son ended up in my room as well.  We were cracking jokes and laughing and teasing.  My boys were standing in the bathroom off my bedroom looking at themselves shirtless in the mirror and were discussing life events like how many chest hairs they had and who had the biggest traps when the spirit spoke to me and told me that this was what life was about. These were the moments that I wanted to cherish.  For that one instance my life was perfect.  I had my kids with me, we were happy and so content being together.  The spirit bore witness to me that for that moment my life was perfect.


I have a saying on my wall over my piano. It says " Enjoy the little things in life because one day you will look back and they will be the big things".  This was a little thing...my kids laughing and joking and enjoying being together. I know that moment was a tender mercy from the Lord. He reminded me of the immense blessings these children are in my life.  He reminded me that my life is perfect. For that small moment, everything was perfect!

My missionary

I love missionaries!  I don't really know how I became the mission mom in my area, but I did and I am so glad.  I think it started when my oldest left on his mission.  I kept thinking that if I took care of the Elders in my area then a nice woman in Samoa would take care of my son  there.  It started with feeding them once a month. They somehow weasel their way into your heart.  For a while I fed them every Sunday, but realized that other people wanted to feed them on Sunday. Now I sign up a couple Sunday's a month and feed them on days when no one has signed up or they were cancelled on. I have served them in many ways, but have found that more often than not, they just need someone to listen to them and give them motherly advice.

Well...My beautiful daughter told me a month ago that she is going to serve a mission. She completely blew me out of the water. I can't believe it! She has NEVER shown an interest in serving a mission.  I have asked her repeatedly over the years and the answer was always no. However, I knew my daughter and I knew that if the Lord wanted her to serve, then she would. Apparently in February she had a dream the she opened her mission call and was sent to Guam.  She said that as she woke she contemplated the dream and decided she needed to pray again and ask the Lord if she should serve a mission.  She received the answer Yes! I have never served, so I don't know the emotions you must go through when you receive revelation like that but she must have mulled it over for some time since she didn't tell me until June.  I was shocked.  She is in college and planning on attending medical school.  She has a LOT of schooling ahead of her.

The one thing I know is that my daughter loves the Lord. She will be an amazing missionary! Her life will be changed forever because of her decision to serve.  I know this is true!  I know it will be one of the best decisions she will ever make. I am not going to lie...My heart is broken just a little bit.  I am being completely selfish right now.  Savannah is my best friend! Even though she attends college on the complete opposite side of the country and she is gone 9 months out of the year, we talk, text, or face time almost every day.  She is my biggest supporter. She knows exactly what to say to me to make my day.   I know its selfish, but I am going to miss her desperately! Recently she told me "Mom, we are relationship goals" I wasn't exactly sure what she meant, but she told me that other people want what we have in a relationship. They want the kind of relationship we have.

Giving up seeing your child is tough, but even tougher is not being able to hear her voice and seeing her face.  We are able to email once a week and we get to talk/skype them on Christmas and on Mothers Day.  I have spent many an hour pondering why a church who love families and who's doctrine revolves around the importance of families would ask their young men at the young age of 18 to leave their families and really have very little contact with their families for 2 years for men and 18 months for women.  This is what I have come up with.  The Lord loves all of this children so much and wants all of them to have the opportunity to have His gospel.  He also knows how incredible the mission will be for the child serving.  They learn and grow so much personally that the Lord knew how valuable it would be for them to serve.  I love a saying that describes a missionary like this:

Missionary: a person who leaves their family for a short time so that others can be with theirs for eternity.

In my opinion, this is why the Lord asks us to give up or children to go serve Him. This is why he asks us to sacrifice and literally consecrate our children to Him.  He loves everyone on this earth and wants them to know of Him and come to Him.  The gospel changes lives.  It has made all the difference in mine! This is why it is possible to let your child fly off to a foreign country for 18-24 months with little contact.  It is all worth it!  When you begin getting emails and letters from them sharing their stories of changing others lives, then it is all worth it.  So, even though it is hard to let them go, all I have to say is Bring it on baby!

Taking back my life one WOD at a time!

Last summer I was invited to go on a boating trip with some friends.  We stayed in their beautiful vacation home and went boating everyday at the lake.  We had such a great time and was a much needed vacation. I had no idea that this trip would be the beginning of a big change in my life.  Our friends do not believe in letting people sit behind their boat in a tube and be dragged around the lake.  They don't even own a tube.  You either knee board, ski, or wake board.  On the first day, I headed out in the boat thinking that I would probably knee board at some point.  It was a cooler day and I wasn't sure I really wanted to get in the water.  The short version is that I jumped out in the water with the intent to knee board.  I could not pull myself up on it.  I tried several times to get myself up on the board and could not do it.  So, I let him drag me around the lake for a while until my arms were too tired and then let go.  I was so embarrassed that I could not get up on the board.  Everyone else seemed to get up with no problem.  After getting back on the boat, which was terrifying in itself because I was afraid I couldn't pull myself back up there after that drag around the lake, I had a deep conversation with myself.  I have always been"big boned", but up until the last couple of years it has not stopped me from doing the things I wanted to do.  Well...it stopped me in a big way.  I wanted to be able to do fun things with my kids and friends.  I had a choice to make.  I could do something about myself or I could just stay on the shore.

Months before this event, I had told my kids I wanted to hike South Sisters which is a difficult hike with exceedingly steep, difficult trail.  I wanted to do this to prove to myself that I could do something hard.  I kept talking about it but never began training despite the promptings from my daughter who tried to get me out to do some hikes.  Well, the months flew by and here it was August.  My daughter was getting ready to head back to college and she was going to hike South Sisters before the summer was over.  So, her and her brother hiked it.  I told her I couldn't make it.  She still wanted me to go and told me she would help me.  I knew I couldn't do it.  So, again...I stayed home while my kids went on a grand adventure.  This about killed me on one hand and also was a huge relief on the other.  

Up to this point, I had been walking on a regular basis.  I had even walked a half marathon a couple months before.  I thought I was doing well.  WRONG!  I decided I needed to make a change.  Walking was not doing the trick.  So I started adding elements into my walks.  I began doing other body weight movements such as squats, lunges, planks, push ups to name a few.  It was amazing!  I started to see results.  I dropped weight and went down dress sizes.  I was working out every day and was feeling like a million bucks!  Then I injured my achilles tendon.  I don't know how! I just woke up and was in pain in my ankle.  I tried to work out but was worried about hurting myself more.  I stopped.  I kept telling myself I will let myself heal up and get back at it.

Fast forward to New Years! I was eating really well and still having small victories in the lifestyle change but I was frustrated. I wanted to speed this process up.  My oldest son had just proposed to his girlfriend and we were going to have a wedding in a few months.  I wanted to look the best I possibly could.  I started talking to a friend about crossfit.  He had told me about it before, but I thought it was for people who were in amazing shape.  Not someone like me who was fat, out of shape and old.  I also talked to my daughter who is always the optimist and said "Mom, you should totally do it!"

To say I was terrified is definitely playing down my emotions.  I had never been so scared of anything in a LONG, LONG, time! I mulled this over and over and over.  I squashed down panic attacks over  the thought of entering a crossfit gym.  I talked to a few people who crossfit and called the owner of the box (crossfit lingo for the gym).  I told him I was 44 years old and fat and out of shape.  He said come on down anyway. You won't be the oldest one there!  So, on Saturday of that week, I made my way to Harvest Crossfit.  I remember the fear as I sat out on the street.  No one was there yet and I prayed that they had cancelled the Saturday class. No such luck!  The cutest couple walked up and unlocked the door.  They looked over at me several times and smiled.  I put my shoes on and pulled up my big girl pants and walked into the gym.

The workout seemed so difficult...my memories include a lot of squats and push ups.  I remember telling Maclarin that I could only do girl push ups..  She told me I could do boy pushups and showed me how to scale them if I needed to.  I had no idea at that point that what we did in class that day would soon become my warm up for class every other day.  I left feeling exhausted and unsure of myself.  I didn't know if I could do this! I knew things were going to be bad when I already hurt everywhere and I mean everywhere!  The next day, I could barely move a muscle.  I didn't know there were so many places that could hurt on a persons body.  It literally hurt to breathe. I had no idea how I was going to go workout the next day.  I did have a friend tell me that it would not hurt so bad once I got to the gym.  The next day came and I headed in.  We ran.  Devin, my coach, asked me how long it had been since I ran...I think I told him "A long, long, long time".  I think it was in college, 20 plus years before.  He wanted me to try and run the block without stopping. I was pretty sure I would not be able to do that.  I was right. But it was a starting place,  I had a new goal. Run around the city block without stopping.  Seems easy, but it wasn't! This began my crossfit journey.

I am almost to my 3 month anniversary of joining cross fit.  I LOVE it.  This is a new discovery because up until the last week, I could not say that.  Something has changed inside of me.  I have realized that cross fit is more than pushing your body to its limits.  It also is pushing your mind to its limits.  I am repeatedly amazed at what the body will do when pushed by the mind.  There are days when I walk into the gym and look up on the board and see what the WOD (workout of the day) is and want to turn around and run (I never want to run...but maybe power walk) out of that place.  It scares me!  I am afraid of not finishing the workout or how long it will  take me.  I am afraid of throwing up.  I am afraid of being pointed out as the fat lady.I am afraid of being the last one done.  I am afraid of being the odd man out.  I don't want any of those things to happen.  I obviously knew nothing about cross fit.

I am one of the fattest people at the gym. So what!  I am usually the last one done with the workout. So What! I have never not finished a work out and I haven't thrown up yet.  So what if I do! Lots of people do because they are pushing themselves so hard. Many times when it is a timed workout I am the last one done but guess what...everyone in my class is waiting to cheer me on while they try and catch their breath.  They aren't watching what I am doing, they are trying to get through their workout the fastest and most efficient way they know how.  They always have encouraging words to say to me.  Every single day I hear someone say "Nice job" or "Keep it up" or "You can do it" or "You got this".  I love the people in my box.  This is a community of people who encourage and support you.  They aren't looking at you like "Who is the fat girl?" they are looking at you with respect because they know how flippin hard it is to do the workouts everyday.  They are some of the hardest working, most encouraging people I know.

Most important...Crossfit has changed who I am mentally.  EVERY. SINGLE.DAY that I leave that gym I know I did something hard and I am so stinking proud of myself! I push myself everyday to become a better person.  I am not afraid of what I can and can't do because I know that if I think I can make it or not doesn't really matter...I am going to make it.  I don't think my coach will let me quit and I am way to competitive to not finish.  I am proud of what I do every day.  You bet your butt its hard.  I have realized that ANYTHING that is of value is hard.  This is of value...this is important!
During a particularly difficult workout the Fight song came on.  I literally started crying during my workout when it says "This is my fight song, take back my life song"  I feel like crossfit has done that for me.  It has given me the opportunity to take back my life.  I AM going to hike South Sister with my kids and I will probably bawl like a baby at the top.  I am going to get up on that knee board and anything else I want to do in my life.  I am taking back my life one WOD at a time!

Tight like a dish

In my study of the Book of Mormon, one of my favorite books is Ether.  One statement has always caused me to reflect.  The Lord is instructing the brother of Jared in building the barges they will use to cross the ocean. He describes the barges by saying they were "tight like a dish".  I have always wondered why that is repeated so many times in this chapter.  After much contemplation this last week I think I have come to one possible scenario.  I think the brother of Jared was trying to teach us something. I think he was trying to tell us that as we cross the oceans in our life that it is not always going to be easy sailing.  There are going to be rough waters that will toss us here and there.  There are going to be times where we are literally plunged deep into the ocean.  We will be buried by things along our journey.  We will be swallowed by the water all around us.  We will think that we will never surface again.  However, we are tight like a dish.  I remember when I was a kid we would play in the river or the pool and we would take a ball and put it under the water and sit on it or hold it between our legs. It would stay under the water for a little while and then shoot out from under you and come flying to the top of the water.  It was tight like a dish.  No mater how many times the ball was buried in the water it always shot to the top of the water.  We are like that ball.  No matter how many times the waves of life crash down on us and bury us deep in the water we will come shooting to the top of the water.  I love the fact that the waves that push us down under the water are also the exact thing that push us to where we want to go.  Without the storm pushing the waves which in turn push us down under the water, we would never move forward. It is the storm that moves us closer to the desired destination.  I know this is true in my life.  I can see that during the hardest trials is when I made the biggest push towards the person I was meant to become and made the  fastest strides in the direction I wanted to go.  The storm which can sometimes be terrifying especially when we stay down deep under the water is a necessary and much needed step in our lives. The storms are scary but without them our progress would be stagnant.  We can't move forward without them.

I am so grateful for all the things I have learned from the Book of Mormon.  I finished reading it this week.  Everytime I read it I get a powerful witness of my Lord and Savior.  I am profoundly grateful for his sacrifice for me.  I know that his power sustains me when I am buried in the depths of the ocean.  I am however tight like a dish and will always resurface!

Some women are lost in the fire, some women are built from it

Refining (as in non-metallurgical uses) consists of purifying an impure material, in this case a metal. It is to be distinguished from other processes such as smelting and calcining in that those two involve a chemical change to the raw material, whereas in refining, the final material is usually identical chemically to the original one, only it is purer.

When I read this definition there were a couple of words  that jumped out at me.The first one was purifying an impure material.  The next was change and the last was purer.  

I think this summarizes what happens to us when we go through the refiners fire.  We are impure material.  Every. Single. One. of us is impure.  We make mistakes, we sin, we do wrong.  I am not saying that the reason we have to go through hard things is  because of sin, but sometimes it is.  Those times are extremely painful because we know that we could have avoided the pain we are in.  However, we are being changed and we can either embrace the change or fight against it.  

The Lord is purifying us.  He is taking the "raw material" and heating it up, hammering us to mold us into what he want us to be. We have to change and that happens through the refiners fire. I love this quote by James E. Faust:

The Divine Shepherd has a message of hope, strength, and deliverance for all. If  there were no night, we would not appreciate the day, nor could we see the stars and the vastness of the heavens. We must partake of the bitter with the sweet.   There is a divine purpose in the adversities we encounter every day. They 
prepare, they purge, they purify, and thus they bless.

One of the good things that comes from going through the refiners fire is that you are then able to succor those who may be going through their own.  I have found this to be true every time I have had a trial. The Lord will never leave us alone in our trial.  He has promised us that He won't give us more than we can handle.  Together with the Lord you can handle anything.  He knows that we have to be put through the refiners fire.  He wants us to change and become better.  He knows our worth.  He wants us to purify our-self and then go and help purify others.

So how do your survive the refiners fire?  How do you survive the pain of the intense heat you are being exposed to? I can only share what worked for me.




I have several experiences that I would consider refiners fire but many of them are too personal to share in such a public place.  I will share the most recent and that is my divorce.  I did not want the divorce, I did not ask for the divorce and frankly I would probably still be married right now if my husband of 21 years hadn't left.  I would have continued being miserable and unhappy and hating every part of my marriage.  I desperately wanted a two parent home for my children...so much so that I stayed in a miserable relationship for years.  I don't think I had any idea the kind of pain I was about to endure.  I was anguished and continued to allow him to hurt me by his actions.  I was in extreme pain.  I was forced to my knees by the pain.  I KNEW I could not do this without the Lord.  I developed a relationship with my Savior I did not know I could have.  He succored me.  He healed my broken heart. One experience in particular really changed my life.  About 6 years ago I was serving as the Stake Girls Camp Director.  One of the things I asked the Stake Youth Leaders to do was to memorize the Living Christ.  None of them did it however my 13 year old daughter and I did. It was a wonderful experience and I would recommend it to everyone!  We memorized it while we were driving in the car.  I had no idea that that one act inspired by the Lord for me so many years before would literally save my life.  One day while I was at work, I went in the bathroom and kneeled down on the floor and told the Lord how much I hated feeling like I did.  I didn't want the hate and anger and despair in my heart anymore.  He whispered to me "Recite the Living Christ".  So I did.  Every time I had a hateful, ugly thought I would begin again "As we commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ..." EVERY Time the ugliness would leave me, the darkness and despair would dissipate and the spirit of the Lord would envelop me.  This moment was the beginning of healing for me.  It was a SLOW process with many tears shed, many counseling appointments, many walks with my best friend which were more about the talk then the walk, and visits with my bishop. But, the healing began. I learned so much about myself.  It was a time of self discovery and becoming the woman I want to be. I have changed for the better. I have come through the refiners fire and am so much stronger than I ever thought possible.  Life is not perfect for me.  I have many struggles however I have a clearer vision of who I am and who I want to become. Would I wish this kind of pain on anyone?  No way! However I can see the Lord's purifying power in me.  He is molding me into what he wants me to become. He is forging me through the refiners fire and I know it will be worth it! I am  do glad that I was not lost in the fire.  I know that with the Lord by my side I can become all he wants me to. I am being built through my refiners fire.


This video shares an incredible message of the refiners fire.
https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2014-11-010-the-refiners-fire?lang=eng

Show up and be counted

One of my favorite parts of the Book of Mormon is when Jesus comes to the America's after his resurrection and he calls the children to Him.  While with Him, he blesses each child and prays to Heavenly Father in their behalf.  As a mother I would always imagine what it would be like to have my children present in that moment.  I wonder what he would say to each one of my four babies. I wonder how they would feel experiencing this incredible opportunity.  However, this time reading this account I had a different thought. It is this: If you want to have incredible spiritual experiences you have to show up.  If I want my teenager to have spiritual testimony building experiences, then I have to make sure he is in the places where these things are most likely to happen.  Can they happen wherever your child is? Yes, but it is much more likely to happen in a planned activity.  So, if I want them to have these experiences, then I better get them to youth conference.  It is much more likely that they will have a life changing experience at youth conference than sitting at home in front of the x box.

When I hear people tell me they hate Stake conference, I think they have no idea what they are talking about.  I have had life changing experiences at stake conference.  I don't miss them!  I know that if I want my testimony strengthened than I need to be in the places where this could happen.  I need to be at Stake temple night, church on Sunday, Firesides and special broadcasts.  These are the places that change lives.  This is where I need to be.  The Lord can prepare the message but he won't take my agency away.  He won't force me to come.  He can try and lead me there but he won't force me.  I have to be where I am supposed to be to have these experiences.

Last week in seminary I taught David and Bathsheba.  I had never noticed before when reading this story that David's first problem was he was supposed to be in battle with his men and he chose not to go.  If he would have been where he was supposed to be he would not have looked at Bathsheba which was his first step towards his demise.  So, there are many reasons to be where you are supposed to be.  There is safety in being there.  Not only could you be missing out on a spiritual experiences, you could be putting yourself in a position to cause yourself harm.

I think of the mom who is praying for her struggling teenager, but then doesn't persuade them to go to church or seminary where they could possible have an experience that aids them in their struggles. We have to show up and be present for the events that could change us.   We have to show up be counted as one of the Saviors children.  If we want Him to encircle us and bless us and pray for us, we have to be where He is.

Prayer changes things

Prayer changes things!  I have been working hard on improving my prayers.  For the last couple of years I have been doing a pretty good job of saying my prayers on a regular basis.  However, I have felt a great desire to improve on my consistency and quality of my prayers.  I find myself praying in the car, in the shower, at work, and pretty much anywhere I go.  I always have a prayer in my heart and on my lips.  I need constant prayer to help me better myself.  My desire is to get on my knees and spend some time pondering and taking my time to really commune with Him.  This last week I had an experience that strengthened me and I know it was an answer to prayer.  It has been said that if you want to talk to God then pray, If you want God to talk to you then read your scriptures.  This is one of the ways I receive revelation.

The last couple of weeks have been difficult for me. I joined a cross fit gym which is a huge step for me.  I love it and I know I have done something when I leave the gym.  I teach seminary, work full time, and am going to school as well as being a single mom. I have been feeling overwhelmed and stretched thin. The exhaustion is beginning to overtake me.  I feel like I am running around trying to keep a million balls in the air and failing at juggling all of them My day begins at 4:30 am and many nights does not end until 10:00 pm.  My prayers have surrounded this theme so heavily the last couple of weeks.  I have prayed to know what to take off my plate if anything as well as the strength to continue this incredibly crazy schedule.  This last week was particularly difficult.  While reading the Book of Mormon this week I read in Helaman 10  when Nephi the son of Helaman returned to his home feeling discouraged, and downtrodden.  The Lord speaks to him and tells him "Blessed art thou Nephi, for those things which though has done; for I have beheld how thou hast with unwearingness declared the word, which I have given unto thee unto this people." The word unwearingness jumped out at me.  The definiton of weary is:

 1.feeling or showing tiredness, especially as a result of excessive exertion or lack of sleep.

synonyms:

tired, worn out, exhausted, fatigued, sapped, burnt-out, dog-tired,spent, drained,

This word jumped out at me because this is how I feel. In fact this definition is exactly my emotional and physical state at this time.  When I read this my ears perked up.
The scripture continues " And thou hast not feared them and  hast not sought thine own life but has sought my will and to keep the commandments. And, now because thou hast done this with such unwearyingness behold, I will bless thee forever and I will make thee mighty in word and in deed, in faith and in works; yea, even that all things shall be done unto thee according to thy word for thou shalt not ask that which is contrary to my will." Helaman 10:4

Now, I am in no way comparing myself to Nephi but I really needed this scripture.  The spirit spoke to my heart and reminded me to continue on the course I currently am traveling.  To continue "with unweariness" declaring the word. Which to me means teaching seminary where I declare the word everyday. The next line as well gave me clarification when the Lord said not to seek my own life but to seek His will. This line reminded me that my own desires are not the top priority.  I need to make the Lord's desires my desires.

I am so grateful for prayer and for scriptures! The Lord knows each and everyone of us and WILL answer our prayers.  He loves us and wants to give us all He has.  We just have to do our part.  I am grateful for a loving Father who helped me this week keep my priorities straight and has given me the strength to keep going even when it feels like the odds are against me.  He will and does strengthen me.