Weight on your back

I joined a cross fit gym a few months ago.  It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. It pushes me both physically, and mentally.  Everyday I wonder if I will make it through the workout and fight a battle inside myself. The one thing that I have been thinking alot about is lifting weights.  We lift often.  We do a heavy lift day every four days, however we usually incorporate some lighter lifting into our WOD's (workout of the day) several times a week.  Last week we did front squats.  I saw this meme.

I have been thinking about this for days.  I totally agree. Usually when I get ready to lift I start with a lighter weight and slowly build up.  When I get to a working weight I start my workout for the day.  Usually it is something like 6 sets of 5 reps.  The thing I have realized is usually the weight is so heavy that I am afraid every rep.  When I take that bar off the rig I am afraid that I will not be able to stand up after I have squatted. I am afraid of failure.  However, one thing I am realizing is that when you keep putting yourself out there, always chasing a heavier weight, always trying for a PR, you will fail. You will get to the point that you have maxed out and are not able to stand back up with that heavy weight on your back.  Failure is ok.  If you are working hard and chasing your dreams, you will fail.  The thing about a back squat is that if you fail you just let the bar roll off your back as you step forward and the weigh falls off.

I loved this idea when I was thinking about failure.  As we work towards our goals and are chasing our dreams, there will be failures. As we are trying to survive this journey we call life, we will fall.  It is what you do with your failure!  Do you let that heavy weight hold us down or do we let it roll of our back and stand up.  Do we turn around and try to make the lift again or do we walk out of the gym?  Do we cuss and swear and throw a tantrum? It is what we do with our failure that makes us who we are.

We have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and pick that bar back up. You have to have the tenacity to keep trying.  You eventually will be able to stand up under the immense weight on your back. Failure will happen but if you keep at it, you will eventually make the lift. We can't be so afraid of the failure.  It is what makes us the people we are.  This so much more than the successful lifts.

  There are days when life is just too heavy and my muscles are just too fatigued to stand back up. I can't do it! No matter what I do I just can't stand back up.  In my life, I know that my Savior and Heavenly Father are on both ends of my barbell. On those days where I HAVE to stand back up and I just can't do it, I know they are on each end and lifting where I can't!  I am so grateful for that knowledge and the spiritual and physical strength I have received from squatting!

Wholesome Recreation

Hiking, trips to the coast, backpacking, road trips, scuba diving,  camping, drive-in movies, Portland Saturday market, and game nights is just a short list of the things that my family has done together this summer.

D. Todd Christofferson says, "Just as honest toil gives rest its sweetness, wholesome recreation is the friend and steadying companion of work."

It seem sometimes that all this life revolves around is finishing the work week only to begin again the next Monday. The truth is, we need a break from that work. We need a time move away from the grind and to spend time with our families.

Elder Oaks states, "Remember that our Savior Jesus Christ always builds us up and never tears us down. We should apply the power of that example in the ways we use our time including our recreation and our diversions."

What better way to apply the example of Jesus Christ than to spend time with our family? The more time we spend with our family in a wholesome environment, the stronger those relationships will become.

M. Russel Ballard states, "Seeking out the best recreation can actually provide families with spiritual nourishment to overcome trials and resist temptations."

What better blessing could we ask for by simply giving up our time to have a good time with our families?

I am blessed with the time I have been able to spend with my family this summer because I know that it has given renewed strength to my children and myself as we have become closer. We have climbed mountains and descended beneath the ocean together. From sleeping on the cold ground to laughing through a movie, this summer of wholesome recreation has brought my family closer together.

For that small moment

Sometimes I get down on myself because I am not able to give my children everything I think they deserve.  Do they have the necessities of life? Absolutely...they have never once went hungry, been without clothing, or not had a home to call their own.  However, they haven't always had the vacations I would like to take them on or they opportunities to go to EFY or other activities they wanted to try like horses.  Since becoming a single mother, it has been even harder to provide all the things I want for my kids.  Now, if I read another mom's blog post saying those things I would instantly want to tell her that those things are not important.  I know it, but this is the truth of this mama's heart.  I want to take my kids to Disneyland. I want to go on a church history trip.  I want to have a nice car for them to drive. Those are the desires of my heart.  I know these things are not important. In fact, my kids have had to work for everything they have. This is a good thing. They are so strong and appreciate the things they have learned. They also are really proud of the things they have accomplished. However...in my heart of hearts I wish for something different.

The other day I was having a pity party.  One of those days when you feel like you are failing and wishing you could give more than you have. I went to my room early and pulled out a book and started reading.  I was trying to give myself an attitude adjustment.  I wasn't in their more than 10 minutes when my 19 year old daughter came b-bopping in and jumped on my bed with her book.  We started talking and laughing.  Pretty soon my 16 year old son and 14 year old son ended up in my room as well.  We were cracking jokes and laughing and teasing.  My boys were standing in the bathroom off my bedroom looking at themselves shirtless in the mirror and were discussing life events like how many chest hairs they had and who had the biggest traps when the spirit spoke to me and told me that this was what life was about. These were the moments that I wanted to cherish.  For that one instance my life was perfect.  I had my kids with me, we were happy and so content being together.  The spirit bore witness to me that for that moment my life was perfect.


I have a saying on my wall over my piano. It says " Enjoy the little things in life because one day you will look back and they will be the big things".  This was a little thing...my kids laughing and joking and enjoying being together. I know that moment was a tender mercy from the Lord. He reminded me of the immense blessings these children are in my life.  He reminded me that my life is perfect. For that small moment, everything was perfect!

My missionary

I love missionaries!  I don't really know how I became the mission mom in my area, but I did and I am so glad.  I think it started when my oldest left on his mission.  I kept thinking that if I took care of the Elders in my area then a nice woman in Samoa would take care of my son  there.  It started with feeding them once a month. They somehow weasel their way into your heart.  For a while I fed them every Sunday, but realized that other people wanted to feed them on Sunday. Now I sign up a couple Sunday's a month and feed them on days when no one has signed up or they were cancelled on. I have served them in many ways, but have found that more often than not, they just need someone to listen to them and give them motherly advice.

Well...My beautiful daughter told me a month ago that she is going to serve a mission. She completely blew me out of the water. I can't believe it! She has NEVER shown an interest in serving a mission.  I have asked her repeatedly over the years and the answer was always no. However, I knew my daughter and I knew that if the Lord wanted her to serve, then she would. Apparently in February she had a dream the she opened her mission call and was sent to Guam.  She said that as she woke she contemplated the dream and decided she needed to pray again and ask the Lord if she should serve a mission.  She received the answer Yes! I have never served, so I don't know the emotions you must go through when you receive revelation like that but she must have mulled it over for some time since she didn't tell me until June.  I was shocked.  She is in college and planning on attending medical school.  She has a LOT of schooling ahead of her.

The one thing I know is that my daughter loves the Lord. She will be an amazing missionary! Her life will be changed forever because of her decision to serve.  I know this is true!  I know it will be one of the best decisions she will ever make. I am not going to lie...My heart is broken just a little bit.  I am being completely selfish right now.  Savannah is my best friend! Even though she attends college on the complete opposite side of the country and she is gone 9 months out of the year, we talk, text, or face time almost every day.  She is my biggest supporter. She knows exactly what to say to me to make my day.   I know its selfish, but I am going to miss her desperately! Recently she told me "Mom, we are relationship goals" I wasn't exactly sure what she meant, but she told me that other people want what we have in a relationship. They want the kind of relationship we have.

Giving up seeing your child is tough, but even tougher is not being able to hear her voice and seeing her face.  We are able to email once a week and we get to talk/skype them on Christmas and on Mothers Day.  I have spent many an hour pondering why a church who love families and who's doctrine revolves around the importance of families would ask their young men at the young age of 18 to leave their families and really have very little contact with their families for 2 years for men and 18 months for women.  This is what I have come up with.  The Lord loves all of this children so much and wants all of them to have the opportunity to have His gospel.  He also knows how incredible the mission will be for the child serving.  They learn and grow so much personally that the Lord knew how valuable it would be for them to serve.  I love a saying that describes a missionary like this:

Missionary: a person who leaves their family for a short time so that others can be with theirs for eternity.

In my opinion, this is why the Lord asks us to give up or children to go serve Him. This is why he asks us to sacrifice and literally consecrate our children to Him.  He loves everyone on this earth and wants them to know of Him and come to Him.  The gospel changes lives.  It has made all the difference in mine! This is why it is possible to let your child fly off to a foreign country for 18-24 months with little contact.  It is all worth it!  When you begin getting emails and letters from them sharing their stories of changing others lives, then it is all worth it.  So, even though it is hard to let them go, all I have to say is Bring it on baby!