Agency

Agency...I have a love hate relationship with you!  I sure as heck want mine, but when it comes to some aspects of life I wish we didn't have it!  Namely parenting! This last week I read through the  end of Mosiah in the Book of Mormon which includes the Alma the Younger story. I love this story for so many reasons! Alma was living a rioutous life.  He was really making some awful choices, I thin about his father Alma and how hard it must of been for him to have a son who was out trying to destroy everything that was so important to you and meant so much to you! It had to have been emabarrasing for him.  It must have been heartbreaking to see your son making such awful choices.  Alma did the only thing he could do.  He prayed.  He did not pray that an angel would come strike his son.  He did not pray that he would change.  What he prayed for was that his son would be brought to the knowledge of the truth. Praying that the Lord would intervene or force Alma the younger to do something is not the Lord's plan.

I mean think about this.  This agency thing was such a big deal that their was an entire war over it. Sometimes when I am watching my child make really dumb mistakes, I wish Satan's plan had won.  Now...I don't want that for me...I like my agency. But sometimes I wish I could force my kids to Celestial glory! It is hard to watch them fall even though sometimes falling is the absolute BEST thing for them.

I know in my life making a pretty big mistake was a major turnaround point for me.. It was a pivotal moment.  I chose to follow the Lord. I have faced toward Him and have never wavered since that time.  I can say this now, many years later that the best thing that happened was the poor choice I made in my life.  Was there consequences?  You betcha!  Do I still struggle with consequences  because of my choices? Yes  Is the atonement real? Yes.

The story of Alma the Younger and the Sons of Mosiah is amazing because they spend the rest of their time fighting to fix the wrongs they did.  They had a complete turnaround.  They wanted to do what is right and bring the world His truth. They spend the rest of their life trying to do that!

This time around, I have learned more about agency.  I have been reminded that the Lord will not step in and take someone's agency away from them.  I don't know about you, but sometimes I just want to send Him a text message that just this one time it would be alright.  I love that the Lord's plan is perfect and even if we can't see the reasons why, the Lord is always looking out for us.

He loves us all!

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we have been asked to keep a journal or a book of remembrance. Family History is very important to us and this is a way to keep a book of remembrance.  This is not something I am good at!  I have had numerous experiences that make me want to keep a journal, but I just don't.  Sooo....I decided that when I have an experience that needs to be shared I will blog about it. I have said this before, but I REALLY mean it this time! I know that journaling is important.  There are numerous ways that this can be accomplished and I am hoping this will be the easiest for me.
I had an experience last week that needs to be shared. My son's friend called him and was in tears and asked him to come get him.  We went and picked him up and  when we got there he was a mess!  He was sobbing uncontrollably and was bent over like he was going to puke.  We finally got him in the car and calmed down.  As we were driving home he said "Mom...I did something tonight that I haven't done for a LONG time."  I was pretty sure I knew what he was going to say.  He said "I prayed."  We had a good discussion about prayer and how the Lord will always be there for us.  We got home and he was still pretty upset.  I had asked the missionaries to come out and give me a blessing (my achilles tendon is torn and was really hurting me).  I asked my son if he thought his friend would want a blessing.  My son has been struggling and I figured he would say NO WAY without even talking to his friend.  My son asked him and he said "YES" When the Elders got to my house we talked about what a blessing was and they gave me a blessing of healing.  When it was over I asked Conner if he still wanted one.  He said yes and one of our Elders who has only been out in the field for a couple of weeks gave the MOST amazing blessing ever!  The spirit was so incredibly strong.  It was amazing how the spirit was almost touchable.  It almost felt like a blanket wrapped around you.  I could not stop crying during his blessing.  This 19 and 20 year old boys giving the blessing had no idea the struggles, trials and choices this 18 year old boy has been through but the Lord knows.  He knows that this man/boy has no one...at least HE thinks he doesn't.  The Lord knows he feel alone and abandoned.  The Lord knows he needs to know he is LOVED. The Lord told him all of these thing through his humble servant!

The next day I asked my son if he had felt the spirit during the blessing.  He looked at me like I was an idiot and said "Well duh".  I was so happy!  I thought my son was beyond feeling the spirit. I was thrilled that this opportunity not only helped his friend but allowed my struggling son to feel the spirit and see the power of the priesthood in action and experience an incredible moment with the missionaries. I asked him what Connor thought.  He said that when the Elders were giving me my blessing, the Elder paused.  Connor told my son that he thought the blessing was fake and not from God, but when they laid their hands on his head that he knew it was from God.  He as well could not stop crying and sobbed through most of his blessing.

I am so grateful for this experience that reminded me of the power of the priesthood and how much the Lord knows each one of us individually.  He loves that Connor boy just as much as he loves the Prophet Thomas S. Monson.  He will never leave us alone...never, ever, ever!

My brother, my friend

Today is special day for me.  One of my seminary students is being baptized!  Michael is a special kid.  Ever since I met him about a year and a half ago I knew he was one of those kids.  You know the type, funny, sweet, kind to everyone.  I just loved him from the start.  When I was called to teach seminary, I was shocked to see him show up on the first day.  Was a non member really going to attend seminary?  Surely this won't last.  I was wrong...so WRONG!  It did last and that boy has 100% attendance! He has a better attendance percentage than I do!  He constantly amazes me.  One day early in the year I broke them into groups and one group discussed the creation, one group talked about the fall and one group talked about the atonement.  We went around the room and talked about each subject with one of the students presenting the information for their group.  Michael was the spokesperson for his group and pulled out his scriptures and looked up a beautiful scripture on the atonement. I know I just stood there and stared at this kid with my jaw half open!  Why was this kid not a member?  Shortly after that experience I was talking to the missionaries and they told me that he was taking the missionary discussions.  I was over the top excited! I knew he would be baptized, I just didn't know when. Well, the day has finally come!  Why am I so excited about a 15 year old boy being baptized?  The day I was baptized was the day I took my first step toward my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I put my foot on His path.  It was the best day of my life.  The very best decision I have ever made.  Everything good in my life has stemmed from that one decision 36 years ago this month.  Has joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints made my life easy? Yes and No.  Is being a member mean you get baptized and then do what you want because you have been saved? No!  Being baptized means you are covenanting with the Lord to keep his commandments, take his name upon you and always remember Him!  Those are not easy things. It's tough to try and do all of those things!

However, the Lord makes my burden light.  By following Him and His commandments my burdens are made light.  I have freedom that I never knew was possible!  I am free because he has set me free! Staying within the lines he has drawn give me protections and freedom. I am so grateful for the decision I made many years ago to join His church.  I am a better person than I ever could've been.  He has truly changed me!

Don't look back!

I can't stop thinking about my seminary lesson on Thursday. I taught about the destruction of Sodom and Gommorah, but the part of the lesson that I can't stop thinking about is Lot's wife. When Lot, his wife and two daughters left Sodom, they were given clear and precise counsel. Do NOT look back! Lot's wife did not follow that counsel. She looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. Why did she look back? We don't know for sure, but I have learned so many things from her looking back and have my own theories about it. The first thing that comes to mind is that she couldn't leave what she thought at the time was such a good thing. She didn't believe or have faith that what the Lord had in store for her was going to be so much better than what she was leaving behind. I know that sometimes in my life when one door is closed I find myself banging on that door because I want to go back. It was comfortable there. I don't want to move into the unknown. I just want to stay in my old place even though the new place probably will be better than the old place every could be. I need to remember that the Lord loves me and wants me to be happy. He is the one in charge here and his plan is much grander than mine! The other lesson I have learned from her example is to let go of the things in my past that are holding me back. Stop looking back at the things I have done in my life that I regret, the mistakes I have made. Stop digging up all the junk. Stop reliving the "what should have been" or the "what if's". We have to forgive ourselves of the mistakes we have made and let them live in the past! We have to stop digging up all the trash that has already been buried! When I really think about it, that old trash is valuable because every regret has put me right where I need to be now. Were they painful... yes! Did I learn something! YES... every single time! Do I want to go back there? Heck no! I want to bury those things and not EVER have to go back there again. We need to be kinder to ourselves and to others around us. The Lord has forgiven us of our mistakes. It seems like if the Lord of All, the Mediator, the Savior of my soul has paid the price for my sin, the least I could do is not carry it around and pull it out every so often and shine it up and put it back in my backpack for another day. Forgiving ourselves and others is so key in the process of healing but I think we forget that step! Being kind to our self is so important. In fact, it is the second great commandment. The first great commandment is to love the Lord God. The second is the Love thy neighbor as thyself! We always forget the second part... to love thyself! Taking care of our self is as important as taking care of others. One vital part of taking care of our self is to forgive ourselves of the past mistakes! I am so grateful for a loving God who sometimes has to hit me over the head to learn things OR allows me days to ponder on a lesson in seminary! I hope my kids are learning as much as I am!

The guilty taketh the truth to be hard

I have started reading the Book of Mormon again.  I love this inspired scripture!  I have just finished reading first Nephi and let me tell you I am so sick of hearing Laman and Lemuel complain and blame everyone else, especially their younger brother Nephi.  I have been pondering on this and my desire NOT to be like Laman and Lemuel and be like Nephi.

While contemplating these men, I realize that I complain WAY to much!  It is hard to be grateful for all you have when you are complaining about all the rotten things in your life.  Laman and Lemuel were constantly complaining about their brother Nephi, complaining about Lehi, complaining about the Lord and all the HARD things the He asks of them.   I love what Nephi tells his brothers when he says that he knows that he had spoken hard things against the wicked and the righteous had I justified. YES!!  He also said "the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center" (1 Nephi16:2) This made me wonder if I take the truth to be hard.  Sometimes...especially if I really like my sin and don't want to give it up!  Occasionally I find out I am sinning and really didn't realize it was a sin.  This happened to me a couple months ago.  I was studying Christlike Attributes in Preach My Gospel.  I was reading about pride when low and behold it reads "to be prideful means to put greater trust in oneself than in God or in His servants. It also means to put the things of the world above  the things of God. Prideful people take honor to themselves rather than giving God the glory." Here comes the bomb shell...wait for it... "Pride is competitive" What!!  I am one of the most competitive people I know!  How could this be?  Competition is what makes me get up in the morning.  Competition is my LIFE!  This was hard for me to read!  I think I may have actually audibly gasped! I thought "How can this be?"  I didn't want to believe it!  I was in deep denial.  I think I may have fallen into the realm of "the guilty taketh the truth to be hard".  Actually I know I did!  It took me quite a while to even come to terms with this! Since this time I have spent a significant amount of time studying out this concept in my mind. I am realizing that this is an area that I have tremendous room for growth.  I think I may have been "cut to the center".

I saw a meme the other day that really made me think about my level of complaining.




I consider myself a woman of faith.  I believe in God, I try and live my life the way the Lord would want me to...but I complain about it WAY To much!  This quote made me really take a self evaluation and question if I am taking my complaints to the Lord. I have realized that I talk when things are hard for me as a way of coping with my struggles.  I call it talking but I am sure my friends and the Lord consider it complaining! I want and need to take my concerns to the Lord and surround myself with more positive talk.  I want to be the type of woman who sees her blessings in her life and points them out instead of the "hard things".







This is my goal...to talk about the joys in my life!  I am an incredibly blessed woman!  I have four AMAZING children.  I have a family that has my back 100% of the time. I have amazing friends who have been with me through thick and thin! I have a ward family who are unbelievable.  I have the gospel of Jesus Christ which sustains me and lifts me and carries me when I am too weak to carry myself. I am one of the luckiest women I know!  I love my life and am so grateful for ALL things which are in it!

Horrible Hill Climb

I had an experience last night that I wanted to share. I have been trying to work out every day. I even have myself a personal trainer friend who has been assigning me death workouts. Yesterday my assigned personal hell was to find a "super steep hill" and go up and down it 8 times with squats at the top and the bottom. I DID NOT want to do this workout. I had planned on doing it in the morning when it wasn't 100 degrees out, but ended up with a flat tire and had to go to work as soon as it was changed. After much procrastination and whining I left and headed to the steepest hill in Falls City. I parked my car at the top because I knew if I didn't I would jump in it at the bottom and go home. I started out going down and then turned and faced the hill. Man...I did not think I was going to be able to do it. It was late and I had a busy day...and I had 5 billion other excuses. I started up the hill. I couldn't even make it halfway without stopping to catch my breath. My calves were burning and I thought..."what the heck am I doing" but I made it to the top. I wanted to get in my car and go home but I couldn't face my personal trainer friend and tell him how weak I am (even though he already knows) so I went down again and back up. Funny thing is that the second time up seemed a little itty bitty bit easier. Was I making this up? Was my mind playing tricks on me? No...as I made it to the top I walked a little farther without having to stop and catch my breath.I thought about the first time I worked out with my friend and he put his hand on my back and literally pushed me through one of my workouts. I noticed that the walk down the hill was such a perfect break to get my heart beat back in normal range and to keep me from hyper ventilating. My legs were wobbly by the 4th time up and down but I kept going. The 5-8 trips I did not even have to stop to catch my breath. I made it all the way to the top without stopping. I am sure you are wondering why I am sharing my pathetic out of shapeness all over the internet for the whole world to read...well...I had a special revelation. These hill climbs are like my life (and all of our lives) When difficult times are upon us, we don't want to climb that hill. We do everything to avoid having to do it. Sometimes we get in our car and drive away. Sometimes we don't leave our house and say "Who cares..I am skipping horrible hill day" But we eventually have to be at the base of the hill looking up and HAVE to climb the hill. I realized that it is o.k. to stop and catch your breath. It is o.k. if you need someone to put their hand on your back and push you to the top of the hill. Usually you get a break at the top and while you are walking back down to the bottom. Your legs might be wobbly from the terrible trial you just went through, but the Lord allows us some time to walk back down before we have to start the climb again. I realized that everytime I go through a"terrible hill climb" or trial in my life I get a little stronger. I don't always need my personal trainer to push me through my workouts. I can go a little farther without stopping to catch my breath and I ALWAYS make it to the top. Each trial I go through...and I have been through some good ones...I am stronger. I become a better person, I exercise my spiritual and emotional muscles, I have the opportunity to face whatever is in front of me and keep putting one foot in front of the other! I am grateful for my personal trainer, Jesus Christ who is ALWAYS on the horrible hills with his hand on my back and a soft voice telling me I can make it! He is the source of my strength. Always has been...always will be! He is the reason I can face the hill and keep going. Because of HIM I keep going. I am eternally grateful for Him and his constant guiding hand on my back to help me through the "terrible hill climbs of life" and the lessons I have learned through those climbs!