Don't look back!

I can't stop thinking about my seminary lesson on Thursday. I taught about the destruction of Sodom and Gommorah, but the part of the lesson that I can't stop thinking about is Lot's wife. When Lot, his wife and two daughters left Sodom, they were given clear and precise counsel. Do NOT look back! Lot's wife did not follow that counsel. She looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. Why did she look back? We don't know for sure, but I have learned so many things from her looking back and have my own theories about it. The first thing that comes to mind is that she couldn't leave what she thought at the time was such a good thing. She didn't believe or have faith that what the Lord had in store for her was going to be so much better than what she was leaving behind. I know that sometimes in my life when one door is closed I find myself banging on that door because I want to go back. It was comfortable there. I don't want to move into the unknown. I just want to stay in my old place even though the new place probably will be better than the old place every could be. I need to remember that the Lord loves me and wants me to be happy. He is the one in charge here and his plan is much grander than mine! The other lesson I have learned from her example is to let go of the things in my past that are holding me back. Stop looking back at the things I have done in my life that I regret, the mistakes I have made. Stop digging up all the junk. Stop reliving the "what should have been" or the "what if's". We have to forgive ourselves of the mistakes we have made and let them live in the past! We have to stop digging up all the trash that has already been buried! When I really think about it, that old trash is valuable because every regret has put me right where I need to be now. Were they painful... yes! Did I learn something! YES... every single time! Do I want to go back there? Heck no! I want to bury those things and not EVER have to go back there again. We need to be kinder to ourselves and to others around us. The Lord has forgiven us of our mistakes. It seems like if the Lord of All, the Mediator, the Savior of my soul has paid the price for my sin, the least I could do is not carry it around and pull it out every so often and shine it up and put it back in my backpack for another day. Forgiving ourselves and others is so key in the process of healing but I think we forget that step! Being kind to our self is so important. In fact, it is the second great commandment. The first great commandment is to love the Lord God. The second is the Love thy neighbor as thyself! We always forget the second part... to love thyself! Taking care of our self is as important as taking care of others. One vital part of taking care of our self is to forgive ourselves of the past mistakes! I am so grateful for a loving God who sometimes has to hit me over the head to learn things OR allows me days to ponder on a lesson in seminary! I hope my kids are learning as much as I am!

The guilty taketh the truth to be hard

I have started reading the Book of Mormon again.  I love this inspired scripture!  I have just finished reading first Nephi and let me tell you I am so sick of hearing Laman and Lemuel complain and blame everyone else, especially their younger brother Nephi.  I have been pondering on this and my desire NOT to be like Laman and Lemuel and be like Nephi.

While contemplating these men, I realize that I complain WAY to much!  It is hard to be grateful for all you have when you are complaining about all the rotten things in your life.  Laman and Lemuel were constantly complaining about their brother Nephi, complaining about Lehi, complaining about the Lord and all the HARD things the He asks of them.   I love what Nephi tells his brothers when he says that he knows that he had spoken hard things against the wicked and the righteous had I justified. YES!!  He also said "the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center" (1 Nephi16:2) This made me wonder if I take the truth to be hard.  Sometimes...especially if I really like my sin and don't want to give it up!  Occasionally I find out I am sinning and really didn't realize it was a sin.  This happened to me a couple months ago.  I was studying Christlike Attributes in Preach My Gospel.  I was reading about pride when low and behold it reads "to be prideful means to put greater trust in oneself than in God or in His servants. It also means to put the things of the world above  the things of God. Prideful people take honor to themselves rather than giving God the glory." Here comes the bomb shell...wait for it... "Pride is competitive" What!!  I am one of the most competitive people I know!  How could this be?  Competition is what makes me get up in the morning.  Competition is my LIFE!  This was hard for me to read!  I think I may have actually audibly gasped! I thought "How can this be?"  I didn't want to believe it!  I was in deep denial.  I think I may have fallen into the realm of "the guilty taketh the truth to be hard".  Actually I know I did!  It took me quite a while to even come to terms with this! Since this time I have spent a significant amount of time studying out this concept in my mind. I am realizing that this is an area that I have tremendous room for growth.  I think I may have been "cut to the center".

I saw a meme the other day that really made me think about my level of complaining.




I consider myself a woman of faith.  I believe in God, I try and live my life the way the Lord would want me to...but I complain about it WAY To much!  This quote made me really take a self evaluation and question if I am taking my complaints to the Lord. I have realized that I talk when things are hard for me as a way of coping with my struggles.  I call it talking but I am sure my friends and the Lord consider it complaining! I want and need to take my concerns to the Lord and surround myself with more positive talk.  I want to be the type of woman who sees her blessings in her life and points them out instead of the "hard things".







This is my goal...to talk about the joys in my life!  I am an incredibly blessed woman!  I have four AMAZING children.  I have a family that has my back 100% of the time. I have amazing friends who have been with me through thick and thin! I have a ward family who are unbelievable.  I have the gospel of Jesus Christ which sustains me and lifts me and carries me when I am too weak to carry myself. I am one of the luckiest women I know!  I love my life and am so grateful for ALL things which are in it!